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The Mallard Apocalypse

by Apocalypse Mallard

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1.
He waits, patiently, at the waters edge. Silent, careful. Tracing the contours of the pond in his mind. Nervously clasping his satchel 'neath the gibbous moon. His frenzied fingers clawing into earth. He awaits the fall...of night.
2.
I will cut off your kneecaps and force them down your throat Then sew your lips together and feed you to a goat You really annoyed me today I heard you touched up my dog and my feline creature! Stab you in the face with a pigeon Stealing from the pond after dark I held the duck in my hand and said "I am wildlife" Xerobubous Ramalcheese, rip his bill off! Stealing from the pond at night is tricky Especially when you haven't got a torch "I have gathered together my favorite feathers And arranged them in a way about my head That creates a head garment A hat!" Stealing from the pond after dark
3.
Apart from what happened at the beginning, he mused It all went, quite well With his feather satchel laden And a mind crippled with guilt, he waddled shoelessly Back to his tree fortress Expressing delight and anguish in equal measure But his path was chosen........
4.
Birds birds birds, serious Serious birders Birdfeed is good for luring birds Observation is critical Taxidermy grandad, taxidermy grandad, taxidermy grandad Unibreast keep away from my nest Twitch, twitch serious Twitch, twitch, twitch grubby little feathers Don't cut my wings Admire my plumage I like the feel of grubby feathers in my cuts Let me let me sniff the pigeons poo hole "It's time ta break out somma that fuckin' goose-hand" Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack To defecate in the face of bird flu Is my birthright Telescopic technology Revealing grubby, oily feathers Aiding my fantasies I cut myself in bushes watching Birds, serious, serious birders
5.
And when he was done, all that lay before him Were ten thou' assorted violated avians Strewn 'all dumpsy' across the pond vista Peafowls, loons, geese, quail, sandpipers And a straggly puffin Each with their ducky bum-holes apparent Suddenly a lone plover raises his beak and sounds off A bloody alarm quack Heard for miles around as a call to arms for his grubby brethren Realising he'd probably gone too far in his brutal regime of birding He dons his feather head-garment And prepares his goose hand for the onslaught of battle Anas Platyrhnchos...you will feel my wrath
6.
Chevron! In battle formation They descend Vengeance, retribution They bring the end Apocalypse with grubby intentions Meted out with a twenty foot duck-bill Justified by previous transgressions You stole from the pond now taste my vengeance He saw the peregrines doth swoop Under the banner of Zazu and the toucans Lo, the toucans and their jobby war ballast Fear I will not be broken Phenomenal goose-hand I will clip your wings Prepare Fucking tag you For the onslaught For my menagerie Pain and death I visit upon thy beaks this day Sudden death should always be investigated And the remaining birds observed And for a moment the chevron skein is rescinded And on the horizon the smoke of battle clears around enormous webbed feet Armored with black chitinous husk Anas Paltyrhncos Diabolous Mega Fantasticus Strides the field of battle like a monolithic saggy git Come to bring the mallard apocalypse Prepare gooses-hand prepare Prepare gooses-hand prepare Beat them broil them eat them and excrete them Mash them boil them put them in a stew Show me that kingsmill I don't want no crust Now I will feast on the ducky bum blood Colossal ostrich, tank bastard Take it goose by 'dropsy' goose Stick your finger in it's bum tell me if it smells dead Summon the motorway beast Behold the phalanx of the heavy duck breeds More serious More serious Brecon buff, steinbacker, buff back More serious birds The slaughter continues as flock by flock they descend Hack bash kick and punch Kill, kill ,kill Critical energies build as the mutated bird monarch Readies his final feathered extravaganza He ruptures on both sides Spewing forth centuries of pent up bird rage Irresistible forces begin tugging at the fabric of reality The end draws near All the matter of the universe congeals around the titan Forming a temporal vacuum Expanding onwards from a nanoscopic point The resulting blast wave negates existence You are witnessing the mallard apocalypse And we are apocalypse mallard Goose step, goose step, goose step Mallard apocalypse, mallard apocalypse Mallard apocalypse, mallard apocalypse Apocalypse, apocalypse, apocalypse Mallard Apocalypse

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released April 28, 2014

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Apocalypse Mallard Canterbury, UK

Apocalypse Mallard are that much more than a band.
They are an idea, nay a manifestation of subconscious desire and raw musical talent laid bare.
Smashing aside the petty divsions of genre and style, attaining a level of cohesian and solid dependability seldom seen outside of the close-knit world of otter dressage.
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